He put on Dark Side of the Moon. The three of us sat on his bed as he packed his large glass bong with weed. Thankfully he knew it was my first time so I didn’t have to pretend to know how to smoke out of that thing. I’m sure I would’ve found a way to burn my face off and, even worse, embarrass myself.
Attempting suicide ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me because I finally didn’t give a shit.
Sparks Middle School became my eighth school, but marked the first time I changed schools without changing houses. This was also the only time I kept vodka in my locker, spent as much time in detention as Bender in “The Breakfast Club,” and attempted suicide in public. Ends up I stayed alive long enough to... Continue Reading →
Last week, I was so excited to wear make-up to school on my 11th birthday I could barely sleep. Will I wear the purple eyeshadow to school the next day? Or will I chicken out? And why the hell is this blog called Scooby-Don’t? As promised, all of your questions are answered here! (Part 2 of 2) When I don’t sleep, I get... Continue Reading →
I figured out the key to survival; dress like a total hooker. I just had to break down my mother and the world would be my bitch.
By sixth grade, Dana called herself my “best friend.” Befriending my lead bully seemed like a good idea at the time. In hindsight, it ended up being the pre-Facebook way to guarantee that I’d be bullied not only at school, but in my own home. Who needs technology when you have stupidity?
Ritual is an integral part of drug usage. For most addicts, the ritual of using is multi-faceted: scoring, holding, preparing, and using.
This is part three of a four part totally awesome blog. Fell behind? No problem. Just go here: White Lines, The First Line and The Second Line. The next Friday night something was off. Neither of us would admit it, but there was just something in the air, something foreboding. But when you’re an addict, the... Continue Reading →
The first time I went over to Debbie’s house, it was obvious why she ate. Her mom and dad were both really big and her house was really small. It was rented, not owned, and on a street that was one lane away from having “interstate” in front of it. The sound of cars whizzing... Continue Reading →
It was right in the middle of the school year, so I assumed her parents were probably given the same parenting handbook mine were. I think these handbooks were most likely given out wherever alcoholic beverages were being served.
I was so inspired by Channel 3 and my memories of MTV in the early-80's, that I made a mix tape. You should follow it and listen to it while rereading all parts of Schoolhouse Porn! But who am I to tell you what to do? I'm from Reno. I listened to the mix tape... Continue Reading →
If you're behind, click here for Schoolhouse Porn! Channel 1, click here for Schoolhouse Porn! Channel 2 and click here for Schoolhouse Porn! Channel 3. Or not. This is the part with actual porn. There was a bed with an ugly flowered comforter, the kind sewn with fishing line instead of thread, facing a dresser with a huge... Continue Reading →
Not that porn needs to be chronological, but click here for Schoolhouse Porn! Channel 1 and click here for Schoolhouse Porn! Channel 2. Or not. I have no say over how others take their porn. You could be scrolling with your toes right now for all I care. I get it. We all have our... Continue Reading →