unhinged.
The word came out of the TV and hung in the air. It stayed there all day. One word described exactly how I felt the weeks leading up to and during my most recent hospitalization.
unhinged.
Blog 2
I Was Hospitalized (Again)
I’ve now been hospitalized five times for my psychiatric illnesses. I find this fact shocking. The only thing I find more shocking was the unrelenting mixed episode that landed me in the hospital, again.
I Don’t Hate My Life
I don’t hate my life. I hate the way I feel. And the more I try to fix the outsides, the more confusing it becomes as to why I want to die. I can get the outsides shiny and clean, but shiny and clean do not sanity make.
200 Words
A piece I wrote was included in Chapter 4 of Politiken’s “200 Words” – a global collaboration about our shared experiences living in the world during our current pandemic.
Dark Again.
Depression isn’t math
There isn’t always a solution
There isn’t always a solution
Mother’s Day with Postpartum Mental Illness
Moms with postpartum mental illness are miracles. You are brave. You are warriors.
My PTSD Has PTSD
Comparing traumas is futile. It’s the impact the trauma had on the individual that matters.
People Come, People Go
Nothing is personal, even though attacks of character certainly feel personal at the time, they truly aren’t about me.
An Unlikely Hero
What is the stuff that makes a hero? It’s not what I thought.
How I Murdered Epstein-Barr in 12 Weeks
I am not a doctor, a nutritionist or a farmer (that third one was just for fun). I’m just a hot babe who kicked her CAEBV back into dormancy in 12 weeks like a badass ninja.
Pushing Through the Pain
I’ve learned to choose my push throughs wisely. I will pay for pushing through, I always do – so it has to be worth it.
On Being a Mom with Chronic Illnesses
Being a mom with chronic illness is really fucking hard sometimes, but I don’t have to make it harder by placing impossible expectations on myself.
The Importance of Strong Toes
I thought I was done. I thought I was free. I thought a new chapter had begun. I even made…
Death & Rebirth
Most people don’t know the Phoenix lights her own funeral pyre. Because death and fire aren’t negatives for her. Fire cleanses her so she can be reborn. She does this over and over again in her lifetime.
I’m Not Okay
I blogged through most of my 4 years of postpartum depression. I call it postpartum depression, but really it was…
Sobriety & Psych Medication
Am I sober if I’m taking psych meds?
Mental Illness and Addiction
Does mental illness trigger addiction or vice-versa?
Can’t You Just Have One?
Come on, you can have just ONE glass of wine.
How I Knew I Had Alcoholism
Such a great question. Here’s my story about my discovery that I do, indeed, have alcoholism. Please share with anyone…
Postpartum Depression: Then & Now
I had postpartum depression for four years and it nearly killed me. I was hospitalized twice and I missed my…
Stark Raving Sober
I know, I know. It’s been a hot minute. I hope you’re having a most excellent new year! Guess what…
Another Storm
I’ve been hit by another storm. It started with bronchitis and a sinus infection. Still coughing and barely off the…
Carrie
I found my best friend in the direst of circumstances. In a layer of hell that Dante couldn’t even fathom.…
Thanksgiving, 2014
I wasn’t going to go, but I didn’t know how to take care of myself yet. Then there I was,…
When Hormonal Rage Meets Mental Illness
https://www.instagram.com/p/BbpL7BvgDx_/?taken-by=courtrundell I was really fucking angry yesterday and Thursday. I wanted to hurt people. I wanted to punch and kick…
20 Years Booze-Free
November 15, 1997 was my first day without a drink. I haven’t had a drink since. There will be no…
5 Years Ago (Sucked)
I had crippling postpartum depression for four years and for two of those years I blogged about what I thought…
44 Years
I turned 44-years-old today and it hit me. I’m still here. I’m. Still. Here. After three hospitals, an outpatient program,…
All I Really Needed to Know I learned on LSD
Most of what I really need to know about life, love and waterbeds, I learned on LSD. Books are neat…
Where is the Youth?
It was so curious how she was always her weirdo self, yet was pretty popular in the Goth crowd. It reminded me of school – I had to study for hours to get an A on a test, while my friends would barely study and ace it. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I practiced my serious face for hours in the mirror only to be dragged around the club by Bill the Cat.
Fryday Night
I sought out the wrong crowd like a heat-seeking missile. Once I hit Christie, I exploded.
Sabbatical
Hello amazing readers! I am going on Sabbatical because I’ve always wanted to say that and it sounds way more…
Christie
It was time to shop for a new, rad friend. A boss. One who would propel me to new social…