In last week’s episode, Sandy and I went over to Tommy’s to get high. Tommy took the hugest bong rip ever and made weird noises with his face. Then he passed the bong to Sandy.
I needed to watch her do it and survive, then maybe I could do it.
Sandy took a hit, stuck out her little tongue â€“ which she always did when she smoked â€“ and then immediately coughed all the smoke out like a total spaz.
I felt better.
Tommy passed the bong to me.
â€œTry to keep it in your lungs as long as you can. The longer you hold it in, the better the high.â€
OK. Wow. I was about to do drugs. I wouldâ€™ve felt cool if my knees werenâ€™t shaking so hard.
And if I wasnâ€™t wearing yesterdayâ€™s underwear.
Tommy put his arms around me.
â€œIâ€™ll light it, you put your finger on the little hole here and let go right before you feel like your gonna cough.â€
He lit the bowl. I sucked. The little green bud turned red. So did my face. What felt like a fire started to grow in my lungs.
I took my finger off the little hole. A Cumulonimbus cloud of smoke went rushing into my already burning lungs and I immediately coughed like I was dying of TB.
After about the run time of Dazed and ConfusedÂ from Song Remains the Same -Â my God seriously Jimmy Page give it a rest â€“ I stopped coughing and it was my turn again.
I hit it again, this time a tad more cautiously since I now knew all the smoke in the chamber was going to shoot directly into my lungs once I took my finger off that evil little hole.
The bong went around a few more times and next thing I knew Sandy was gone and I was on the moon looking down at earth.
And Tommy and I were kissing.
â€œWhen did we get on the moon?â€
â€œYouâ€™re high as a billy goat!â€ Tommy was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
â€œMaybe yes I am but that still doesnâ€™t explain how we got to the moon and how will we get back and my momâ€™s gonna be so mad.â€
This was the beginning of my obsession with my mom being mad at me when I was high. She lived in my high psyche. It was unfortunate.
It was fun and scary and thrilling all at the same time. I knew I was in Tommyâ€™s room, but I also knew that Tommyâ€™s room was on the moon, so it mustâ€™ve been a spaceship.
Then there was a knock at the door, which made absolutely no sense to me.
â€œOh shit, oh shit, oh shit,â€ Tommy repeated over and over again as he gathered and hid his paraphernalia.
â€œYou have to get out of here. Itâ€™s my mom.â€
Uh-oh. I knew moms were bad. Even in my oblivion, I knew that much. They were the Jabba the Hut of my Moonage nightmare.
My adrenaline kicked in and increased my fear by a trillion. In Tommyâ€™s room I was in a spaceship; out there I would be just floating in outer space. I was afraid.
Good thing I had my spacesuit on.
I exited the cabin and fell into some sort of alien shrubbery. But then I started floating, so I was cool. The whole antigravity thing was neat, but discombobulating. It was hard to know which way was up and which was down.
It was blackness for a long time. Thankfully I never hit a black hole. After floating in space for what felt like days â€“ although time is relative in space, you know â€“ a white metallic something appeared in the distance.
Was it a spaceship? Would I be rescued? After all, I was probably about to run out of oxygen in my spacesuit.
I floated toward the ship, but not fast enough.
Why not swim?
Brilliant idea. I did the breaststroke and got to the spaceship much quicker than just floating around. I was figuring this shit out right quick for someone without NASA training.
It was a spaceship! I was saved!
I swam to the driverâ€™s side. There was a huge mirror object. It had a smaller mirror inside of it that made my reflection go all wall-eyed. I couldnâ€™t believe what I was seeing.
Why would a spaceship have a mirror? Let alone two?
This was my last memory of the evening.
The next day I experienced what would be the first of many retold stories of what I did the night before. Ends up Sandy found me making swimming motions with my arms and staring in the driverâ€™s side mirror of their RV parked in the driveway. The only words she could make out of my babble were spaceship and mom.
So we went over to Tommyâ€™s that night and got high again.